AP - LOS ANGELES - Hollywood residents believe they’ve found a humane way to reduce their pigeon population and the messes the birds make: the pill.

Over the next few months a birth control product called OvoControl P, which interferes with egg development, will be placed in bird food in new rooftop feeders.

“We think we’ve got a good solution to a bad situation,” said Laura Dodson, president of the Argyle Civic Association, the group leading the effort to try the new contraceptive. “The poop problem has become unmanageable and this could be the answer.”

jay: something tells me that the catholic church is going to be up in arms about this hollywood planned pigeonhood program.

KTVB.com - BOISE - A prankster targeted Boise’s Simplot Hill with an unknown plant-killing substance, leaving a large pattern on the grassy hill.

The phallic symbol can be seen from Cartwright Road. The image is an outline drawing and appears to be 10-20 feet tall. It is unknown who targeted the hill or why.

jay: way to cockblock, ktvb.

By CHARLES POPE, P-I WASHINGTON CORRESPONDENT

WASHINGTON — By design, Congress deals with problems that are important, intractable and at times “disgusting.”

One was added to the list Thursday that is covered by all three — meth mouth, the gruesome consequence on oral health of methamphetamine addiction. Meth rots teeth. It turns them black and leads to enormously expensive dental care to repair the damage.

It has become a large enough — and expensive enough — problem that Congress has taken notice.

“It is disgusting, utterly disgusting to see a little kid’s teeth rotting out,” Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont., said at news conference Thursday, flanked by four huge pictures of gaping mouths with blackened, rotting teeth.

It is also expensive, which is why Baucus appeared with Washington Reps. Rick Larsen and Brian Baird to unveil legislation aimed at reducing meth use among youths and providing federal money to help cover the cost of dental care for prison inmates.

Larsen has written legislation that would provide federal money for an educational and prevention campaign about meth use as well as for research into the “interrelationships between addiction and oral health.”

“Meth is a chemical cocktail that literally rots away your teeth,” said Larsen, who is chairman of the House Meth Caucus. “We need to educate young people about what meth does to your body. We need to stop kids from doing meth the first time so they don’t become addicts.”

A second bill, offered by Baird, would provide federal grants to prisons hard hit by the cost of treating prisoners with meth mouth.

“Meth mouth destroys and disfigures people’s teeth and gums, can lead to a whole host of other illnesses and prevents their ability to find a job or develop social relations,” Baird said.

“This is particularly true in our nation’s correctional facilities, where the burden is placed on local, county and state prisons that are forced to divert funds to treat inmates suffering from meth mouth,” Baird said.

jay: mostly i think he likes saying ‘meth mouth’. i mean, it’s kinda fun. METH MOUTH!

By RAY HENRY

AP - PROVIDENCE, R.I. - Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.

“He doesn’t make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die,” said Dr. David Dosa in an interview. He describes the phenomenon in a poignant essay in Thursday’s issue of the New England Journal of Medicine.

jay: omg. he doesn’t make too many mistakes? that is totally panic-inducing.

BERLIN, Germany (AP) — Officials in the central German city of Erfurt called for stronger laws Monday to protect the rights of animals amid allegations that workers at the city’s zoo killed some goats, sheep, pigs and other beasts to sell them for their meat.

The scandal at the Thueringer Zoopark in Erfurt, a city of 200,000 people about 60 miles southwest of Leipzig, has provoked criticism from animal rights groups and cost the zoo’s director his job.

“The killing and selling of animals has been effectively stopped,” Erfurt Mayor Andreas Bausewein said.

Last week, Erfurt state prosecutors launched an investigation after Bausewein alerted them to problems at the zoo, which is home to giraffes, monkeys and elephants, as well as domestic animals such as donkeys, goats and pigs.

The mayor’s office said that goats, sheep, pigs and deer accounted for most of the animals that have disappeared from the zoo, alleging they were shot and butchered without proper approval from a veterinarian.

The German Animal Protection Association said the actions violated existing laws protecting animals and expressed concern that more such cases existed.

“We fear that this is just the tip of the iceberg,” said Wolfgang Apel, the association’s president.

The zoo’s new director, Hans-Guenther Collette, said that in addition to making sure no more killings take place, he plans to ensure that the public knows that all animals have been accounted for.

“We will post a complete list of all animals in the zoo on our home page and update it regularly,” Collette said.

jay: and the killers? how about some accountability, hans? i’m sorry, what’s that? you can’t talk while you have a mouth full of monkey butt? that’s what i thought.

AP - VENTURA, Calif. - An arrest was made Thursday in the vicious attack on Bob, a 42-pound pet tortoise who was slashed and stabbed after being stolen from the home of an autistic boy.

Police said the attacker tried to cut Bob out of his shell. His hind legs were badly cut, a toe was cut off, his neck was slashed and his shell was punctured with a sharp object. The animal also was thrown against a wall, police said.

Jose “Tony” Mosqueda, 18, of Ventura, was booked at the county jail for investigation of cruelty to animals and grand theft.

It is believed he acted alone, police said.

The 25-year-old African spurred tortoise belongs to Dorothy and Bill Sullivan and is a special friend to their 6-year-old autistic son, who rarely spoke to people but chattered to the animal.

The tortoise was snatched from their yard on July 7, brutalized and dumped in brush behind an apartment complex.

An anonymous caller told the family where to find Bob.

Police declined to discuss a motive, but Richards said it didn’t appear the attacker wanted to eat Bob.

Dorothy Sullivan said Thursday that she and her son danced with happiness when they heard of the arrest.

“This is wonderful news,” she said.

The boy had not been sleeping well since the attack, she explained.

“His security fell apart,” she said. “He was afraid that somebody was going to come and steal him and take him away and hurt him.”

“Now he feels safe. Now he can go out and play,” she said.

The family has installed security cameras and an alarm on the backyard fence so that Bob will be safer when he returns.

The tortoise was being treated at Turtle Dreams, a Montecito rehabilitation center. He remained in guarded condition and was being fed through a tube in his neck.

“He’s getting more relaxed and coming out of his shell” more often, said Jeanie Vaughan, the center’s owner. “If he continues without any infection, I think he’s going to be fine.”

Dorothy Sullivan said Bob did an amazing thing when she visited the center earlier in the week.

“He took his first steps,” she said. “He brought his head completely out of his shell … and then he struggled to his feet.”

The tortoise collapsed but then managed to take eight steps.

“When he finished, he had a tear in his eye … as did the rest of us,” Sullivan said. “It was an excellent, great sign.”

jay: hey, i know! i’ll cut this turtle out of its shell for the heck of it. and then maybe i can get those shitty girls from sonoma can light it on fire and feed it to michael vick’s pit bull.

By DINESH RAMDE

MILWAUKEE, (AP) — A 500-pound man injured while tubing down a shallow stretch of the St. Croix River was pulled to safety Tuesday by dozens of rescue workers who spent hours carrying him to a navigable part of the waterway.

Martin Rike, 39, of Pine City, Minn., was treated for chest pain at the Burnett Medical Center in Grantsburg on Tuesday morning and discharged that afternoon, his mother said.

Rike and three friends were floating down the river on the Minnesota border in inner tubes Monday afternoon when Rike’s hit a rock and deflated, said Chief Deputy Steve Ovick of the Pine County Sheriff’s Office in Minnesota.

Rike’s group called 911 shortly after 8 p.m. to report that he was having chest pains. A paramedic who arrived by helicopter stabilized Rike, but the pilot couldn’t take him to a hospital, saying he was too heavy.

As many as 50 rescuers on the ground responded, with the first reaching Rike about 9 p.m. Crews tried to get to Rike with boats and canoes, but the watercraft ran aground in shallow water.

Rescuers tried loading him into an aluminum boat, hoping to carry him over the rocky ground. But he was so heavy that they could move the makeshift stretcher only several feet downstream per hoist.

Finally, rescuers created a floating platform by lashing three canoes together and placing four boards across them.

“That remedy worked much better, but it was still a lot of work,” Ovick said. “They still had to drag those canoes all that way.”

Rescuers finally got Rike to the ambulance about 8:15 a.m. Tuesday, more than 12 hours after the 911 call.

Rike wasn’t in pain during the ordeal, said his mother, Sharon Rike.

“He got really cold because he was in wet clothes all night from being in the river,” she said. “(Tuesday) morning, he was tired and hungry, but he was joking and trying to get warm.”

Even though Rike weighs 500 pounds, the truck driver is “really pretty healthy,” his mother said. This was the first time he had tried tubing.

jay: i’m calling bullshit on the health claims, sharon. also, i’m thinking that this is probably the last time that he tries tubing. as a rescuer, at what point do you contemplate giving up trying to get a fat guy out of a shallow creek?

Sydney Morning Herald — A man who allegedly went on the rampage in a tank through the streets of Western Sydney that destroyed several mobile phone towers was lovingly restoring the vehicle, his employer said.

John Robert Patterson, 45, of Dharruk, was charged with predatory driving and six counts of malicious damage. He was arrested early yesterday after Mount Druitt police on patrol discovered an armoured vehicle destroying an electricity substation in Sterling Road, Minchinbury.

Over the next 90 minutes it brought down four Telstra mobile phone towers and damaged three Optus towers in surrounding suburbs until the vehicle stalled at Dean Park while being driven towards another phone tower.

[…]

Mount Druitt resident William Errington said he began following the tank with friends after hearing loud noises and police sirens.

“The tank was being driven all over the place, on footpaths, the wrong side of the road,” he said. “It was a bit scary, but it wasn’t something you see every day.”

Mobile phone services were disrupted as technicians waited to enter the crime scenes. A Telstra spokesman said temporary structures had been erected to replace four mobile phone towers that were destroyed in Mount Druitt, Emerton, Plumpton and Minchinbury. An Optus spokeswoman said three damaged towers were being repaired.

cates: player 1 total: 7 masts. high score! please enter initials: _ _ _

METRO.CO.UK - In the continuing adventures of the world’s tallest man, Bao Xishun, our hero shakes hands with He Pingping, who is currently aiming for a place in the Guiness Book of Records as the world’s shortest man.

The historic meeting between Bao, who stands 2.36 meters (7.9 feet) tall, and He, who only reaches 73 centimeters (2.4 feet) in height, took place in Baotou, in China’s Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region on Friday.

We have previously seen Bao, a herdsman from Inner Mongolia, as he saved the lives of two dolphins by using his long arms to reach down their throats and remove plastic shards from their stomachs.

[full story]

rob: i don’t know where to start. beyond the epic size/height disparity and the craziest photo ever, what were dolphins doing in inner mongolia? and who forgot to tell bao that it was a black tie event (or pingping that it wasn’t)?

dan: all good questions, rob. here’s some more: is pingping being held up, or is he just a little wobbly? why is his jacket so frumpy? I assume they tailored it, no? and why won’t they make eye contact — do you think there’s some bad blood here?

finally, do you think that former chinese food and drug czar zheng xiaoyuif would be alive today if bao had been around to jam his arm down those 10 peoples’ throats?

By ALEXA OLESEN

AP - BEIJING - China on Tuesday executed the former head of its food and drug watchdog who had become a symbol of the country’s wide-ranging problems on product safety.

Zheng Xiaoyu’s execution was confirmed by state television and the official Xinhua News Agency.

“The few corrupt officials of the (State Food and Drug Administration) are the shame of the whole system and their scandals have revealed some very serious problems,” SFDA spokeswoman Yan Jiangyang said at a news conference held to highlight efforts to improve China’s track record on food and drug safety.

Zheng was sentenced to death in May for taking bribes to approve an antibiotic blamed for at least 10 deaths and other substandard medicines.

Zheng’s death sentence was unusually heavy even for China, believed to carry out more court-ordered executions than all other nations combined, and likely indicates the leadership’s determination to confront the country’s dire product safety record.

jay: holy shit, dude. if i ran the FDA, i’d be psyched not to live in china. way to put on a show of force, china. now what are you gonna do about those people who look the other way when mines collapse and kill hundreds of workers at a time?

item #1

Girl, 11, charged with DUI after chase

AP - ORANGE BEACH, Ala. - Police who chased a car for miles along a highway at speeds up to 100 mph said the driver was drunk, hardly a rarity in this resort town. But there was more: When they looked inside the flipped vehicle with guns drawn, they found an 11-year-old girl at the wheel.

“You go up there thinking it’s a felon you’re dealing with,” assistant police Chief Greg Duck said.

The girl, who was slightly injured in the crash, is now charged with driving under the influence of alcohol, speeding, reckless endangerment and leaving the scene of an accident. Duck said she sideswiped another vehicle during the roughly 8-mile chase.

item #2

Preteen sisters accused in kidnapping

AP - ENID, Okla. - Detectives arrested a 12-year-old girl and her 10-year-old sister for allegedly abducting their neighbor’s 1-year-old son and demanding $200,000 for his return.

Brandon Wells was safe back at home Thursday night, hours after intruders broke into his family’s residence and took him while his mother, Sheila Wells, slept, police said.

“I’ve been doing this 18 1/2 years, and this is the first time I know of when a 10- and a 12-year-old kidnapped a 1-year-old,” said police Capt. Dean Grassino. “It definitely ranks up there with the unusual crimes.”

[…]

The girls appeared in Garfield County District Court on Thursday afternoon and were taken to Community Intervention Center for juveniles. They have not been formally charged.

“I know they’re so young, but they need to learn from their mistakes,” Wells said.

jay: i’m hoping that the prosecutors in these progressive states will use their best judgment and charge these thugs as adults.

cates: i guess they realised, as many kids do, that playing “grand theft auto” in real life is much more fun than the ps2 version. good for them.

BRUSSELS, Belgium (AP) — Police detained a man in eastern Belgium after a dinner guest found the bodies of the host’s wife and stepson in a freezer, authorities said Thursday.

The female guest opened the freezer while helping to clear up after a dinner with a group of friends Tuesday at the man’s home in the city of Verviers, 78 miles east of Brussels, said Christine Wilwerth of the city prosecutor’s office.

“It was a lady who at the end of the meal at a friend’s house, and after washing the dishes … decided to take the leftovers of the meal down to the basement to store in the deep freeze,” Wilwerth said. “Once she opened the deep freeze, she discovered the bodies.”

Guests alerted police, who identified the bodies of the man’s wife and her 12-year-old son. The bodies appeared to have been kept in the deep freeze for several weeks.

Wilwerth said the suspect acknowledged that a domestic quarrel had escalated and his wife had been stabbed, but she said he had not explained the circumstances of the child’s death.

jay: ungrateful guests! did he not feed you? did he not tell wonderful tales over dinner? for shame.

By Jeffrey L. Rabin, LA Times Staff Writer

LA Times — The son of former Vice President Al Gore was arrested early Wednesday in Orange County on suspicion of possessing marijuana and prescription drugs, the latest in a series of incidents with law enforcement agencies in recent years.

Albert Gore III was taken into custody about 2:15 a.m. after Orange County sheriff’s deputies stopped him for driving about 100 mph on the southbound Interstate 5 in Laguna Niguel.

When deputies approached the Toyota Prius at the Crown Valley Parkway exit, they detected the “strong odor of marijuana,” said Jim Amormino, a spokesman for the Sheriff’s Department. A search of the car found marijuana and prescription drugs Vicodin, Valium, Xanax and Adderall, an amphetamine used to treat attention deficit disorder, Amormino said.

jay: the prius makes this funny, though i’m not sure why. is it because he’s al gore’s son and of course he’s driving a prius (while smoking dope and taking xanax) or is it because he got that prius up to 100mph (while smoking dope and taking xanax)?

Diabetic Man Kicked Off Train, Now Missing
Police: Amtrak Personnel Thought Man Was Drunk

PHOENIX — A 65-year-old St. Louis man is missing after Amtrak personnel, mistaking his diabetic shock for drunk and disorderly behavior, kicked him off a train in the middle of a national forest, according to police in Williams, Ariz.

Police said Roosevelt Sims was headed to Los Angeles but was asked to leave the train shortly before 10 p.m. Sunday at a railroad crossing five miles outside Williams, reported KPHO-TV in Phoenix.

“He was let off in the middle of a national forest, which is about 800,000 acres of beautiful pine trees,” Lt. Mike Graham said.

Police said there is no train station or running water at the crossing, which is about two miles from the nearest road, at an elevation of about 8,000 feet.

[full story]

rob: bad amtrak! very, very bad amtrak!

jay: i’m trying to think of the last time i read anything good about amtrak and i’m drawing a blank. this may be a new low. congratulations, quasi-private national rail system.

In lieu of posting one of the 3,000 news items regarding Bush letting Scooter off the hook, here’s a relevant snippet from the movie “The Sting”:

Doyle Lonnegan: Your boss is quite a card player, Mr. Kelly; how does he do it?

Johnny Hooker: He cheats.

jay: whoa. thanks for posting that rob. it’s how i found out that libby walked. when your approval rating is already in the toilet…