Waupaca, Wis. (AP) — A man who was upset with his wife for not buying beer took vengeance by shooting one of the family’s two pet goats, prosecutors say.

Peter W. Mischler, 48, was charged this week in Circuit Court with mistreatment of animals, possession of a firearm while intoxicated and disorderly conduct with a dangerous weapon.

The complaint said Mischler came home Saturday from hunting and became angry with his 22-year-old daughter for letting the goats out and making a mess. While she was talking on the phone to her mother, authorities said, he told her to tell his wife to bring home some beer, but his wife refused.

He then threatened to shoot the goats, according to the complaint.

After his wife arrived home, she and the daughter heard four gunshots and went outside and found one of the two goats with its entrails hanging out, authorities said. They said that goat had to be killed later by a sheriff’s deputy.

Mischler posted a $1,000 cash bond set by Circuit Judge Raymond Huber and was released.

A hearing was scheduled for Dec. 4.

jay: part of me hopes that really bad things happen to this guy right now, but the rest of me thinks that his life is already an incredibly slow painful grind into some form of hell anyway, and i wouldn’t want anything to hasten his descent.

GAUHATI, India (AP) — In a Nov. 13 story, The Associated Press incorrectly reported that Paris Hilton was praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India.

jay: i’m with you, paris. the man helps you when you help yourself. take that, drunken elephants.

AP — SOUTHWORTH, WA — A man trying to loosen a stubborn lug nut blasted the wheel with a 12-gauge shotgun, injuring himself badly in both legs, Kitsap County sheriff’s deputies said.

The 66-year-old man had been repairing a Lincoln Continental for two weeks at his home northwest of Southworth and east of Port Orchard and had gotten all but one of the lug nuts off the right rear wheel before getting frustrated Saturday afternoon, Deputy Scott Wilson said.

“He’s bound and determined to get that lug nut off,” Wilson said.

From about arm’s length, the man fired the shotgun at the wheel and was “peppered” in both legs with shot and other debris, with some injuries as high on his body as his chin, according to a sheriff’s office report.

“Nobody else was there and he wasn’t intoxicated,” Wilson said.

South Kitsap Fire and Rescue personnel treated the man at the scene before he was taken to Tacoma General Hospital with injuries Wilson described as “severe but not life-threatening.”

jay: i’m sorry, isn’t there a dead kennedy’s song that goes just like this? ah yes, ‘a child and his lawnmower’. i’ll let jello biafra take it from here:

Some clown in Sacramento was dragged into court
He shot his lawnmower
It disobeyed, it wouldn’t start
Might makes right, it’s the American way
They fined him $60 and sent him on his way

You know, some people don’t take no shit
Maybe if they did, they’d have half a brain left

Manson, Wash. (AP) — Charles and Linda Everson were driving back to their hotel when their minivan was struck by a falling object — a 600-pound cow. The Eversons were unhurt but the cow, which had fallen off a cliff, had to be euthanized.

The year-old cow fell about 200 feet from the cliff and landed on the hood of the couple’s minivan, causing heavy damage.

A Chelan County fire chief, Arnold Baker, said the couple missed being killed by a matter of inches in the accident Sunday on a highway near Manson.

The Eversons, visiting the area from their home in Westland, Mich., to celebrate their first wedding anniversary, were checked at Lake Chelan Community Hospital as a precaution.

Everson, 49, said he didn’t see the cow falling and didn’t know what happened until afterward.

He said he kept repeating: “I don’t believe this. I don’t believe this.”

jay: yeah, i guess it sucks about the cow falling on the car thing but at least they don’t have to drive back to michigan now. shit is far.

AP — TACOMA — A man who wore a gorilla suit and thought it would be funny to grab a boy in a Lakewood store has been sentenced to 30 days of home detention.

Isaiah Michael Jackson avoided jail time when he was sentenced for the stunt in August of last year at the B&I store.

The parents, Anthony and April Santiago of Spanaway, chased down the man to rescue their screaming son.

jay: this man’s sentence was enough to scare me out of my go-hiking-while-dressed-like-a-yeti plan. sux.