AP — TUALATIN, Ore. — Police say Ryan Osbrink was getting ready for a job at the sheriff’s department and practicing his draw when his .45-caliber pistol discharged, killing his wife.

Tualatin police say 23-year-old Kimberly Osbrink was entering the room Sunday night when the bullet struck her in the abdomen.

The Clark County, Washington, sheriff’s department has delayed hiring the 24-year-old Osbrink until the investigation is complete. He was to report for duty on Wednesday.

The police say the shooting was unintentional, and the weapon was Osbrink’s.

jay: delayed? delayed! maybe he’s not for hiring, re: wife killing/poor gun habits?

Jill Tucker, SF Chronicle Staff Writer

SFGate.com — Hayward — Authorities say they may have trouble identifying a body found on Interstate 880 before dawn Thursday because it was repeatedly struck by passing cars for about an hour during the morning commute.

The first call to the California Highway Patrol that something was amiss came before 6 a.m. The caller reported a dead dog. Officers arrived at southbound I-880 in Hayward nearly an hour later and made the gruesome discovery.

On the ground was a human ear. The CHP immediately called for the freeway to be closed. It was 6:50 a.m., less than a half hour before sunrise.

The remains of the man were strewn across five lanes and 1,000 feet of highway, CHP Officer Mike Davis said. It appeared the body was first hit at about A Street.

There was so little recognizable from the body that identifying him is likely to require someone coming forward to report a missing friend or relative, investigating officers said.

“It looked like something that comes out of a horror movie,” Davis said.

It took authorities hours to process the scene, and the highway was reopened by 10 a.m.

Davis said the man was wearing jeans, white tennis shoes and a shirt, which was difficult to identify in the condition officers found it. They found no identification and no vehicle nearby that could have belonged to him.

The victim appeared to be between ages 30 and 50 with a crew cut. His ethnicity was unknown.

His clothes did not appear to be that of a homeless man or a vagrant, Davis said. He also carried money in his pocket.

Davis said, based on preliminary evidence, it appeared the man was alive before he was hit.

Since the incident, the CHP has received about 80 phone calls from witnesses or drivers reporting hair or blood on their cars, Davis said.

jay: eesh. 80?

dan: they say someone is hit by a car at a rate of 80 times per hour on that stretch of 880…

by Delfin Vigil, SF Chronicle Staff Writer

A woman competing in the 1.5 mile Alcatraz Challenge Aquathlon swim race died today of undertermined causes, according to authorities.

The San Francisco Medical Examiner identified the woman as 51-year-old Sara “Sally” Lowes of Houston. Lowes was pronounced dead at 9:32 a.m. after being pulled from the water. An autopsy will be conducted to find the cause of death.

Her body was discovered floating in the bay near Crissy Field beach and was recovered by the Marin County Sheriff’s patrol boat. Efforts to revive her were not successful, according to U.S. Coast Guard Petty Officer Jackson.

With a motto of “Swim or Die!,” the Annual Alcatraz Challenge Aquathlon and Swim is a 1.5 mile course that begins at Alcatraz and finishes at the East Beach of Crissy Field, according to race director, Gary Emich. Today’s was the 27th annual race.

It was the first death of a participant in the Alcatraz Challenge since the USA Triathlon Association-sanctioned race began in 1981, Emich said.

Of the “Swim or Die!” motto, Emich said: “It’s been a tongue-in-cheek motto for years because the Alcatraz races are exceptionally safe. Thousands and thousands have participated safely since 1981.”

jay: something tells me that 2007 will be the last year that ’swim or die!’ is uttered at this race.

BRUSSELS, Belgium (AP) — Police detained a man in eastern Belgium after a dinner guest found the bodies of the host’s wife and stepson in a freezer, authorities said Thursday.

The female guest opened the freezer while helping to clear up after a dinner with a group of friends Tuesday at the man’s home in the city of Verviers, 78 miles east of Brussels, said Christine Wilwerth of the city prosecutor’s office.

“It was a lady who at the end of the meal at a friend’s house, and after washing the dishes … decided to take the leftovers of the meal down to the basement to store in the deep freeze,” Wilwerth said. “Once she opened the deep freeze, she discovered the bodies.”

Guests alerted police, who identified the bodies of the man’s wife and her 12-year-old son. The bodies appeared to have been kept in the deep freeze for several weeks.

Wilwerth said the suspect acknowledged that a domestic quarrel had escalated and his wife had been stabbed, but she said he had not explained the circumstances of the child’s death.

jay: ungrateful guests! did he not feed you? did he not tell wonderful tales over dinner? for shame.

By Jennifer Sullivan
Seattle Times — A 20-year-old Lake Stevens woman arrested in the death of her 4-month-old son told police that she had taped a pacifier to the infant’s face to keep it inside his mouth.

The woman, who is not being identified because she hasn’t been charged, called 911 around 11:30 a.m. Monday to report that the infant was unconscious, according to Lake Stevens police.

[…]

The woman told police and medics that a half-hour earlier she found the infant dead and ripped the pacifier from his face, according to paperwork released by Snohomish County prosecutors. She called her fiancé and then called for help.

jay: tape? fucknut.

MANILA (AFP) - A jobless man was shot dead by a security guard for singing out of tune in a Philippine karaoke bar, police said Thursday.

Romy Baligula, 29, was halfway through his song on Tuesday night in a bar in San Mateo town, east of Manila, when 43-year-old security guard Robilito Ortega yelled that he was out of tune.

As Baligula ignored his comments and continued singing, Ortega pulled out his revolver and shot him in the chest.

Senior Superintendent Felipe Rojas said Baligula died instantly.

The security guard was detained by an off-duty policeman shortly after the shooting.

Deaths and violence are not uncommon in Philippine karaoke bars.

The popular Frank Sinatra song “My Way” has been taken off many karaoke bars in Manila after it was found to be the cause of fights and even deaths when patrons sang out of tune.

jay: the news always hits me hardest when i read an article and think, “my god, this could have been me!”

cates: if they’ve taken “my way” out of a lot of the bars, what have they replaced it with? “i will survive”?

dan: “deaths and violence are not uncommon in philippine karaoke bars.” move over, “wild west”! i think we have a new insta-metaphor for lawlessness. “i tell ya brother, tikrit is like a philippine karaoke bar!”

Christina Almeida, Associated Press Writer
Los Angeles — A man trying to kill his girlfriend by leaving her in a car on railroad tracks was himself killed Monday when a commuter train launched the vehicle into him as he tried to flee, police said. The girlfriend survived.

The man drove the car in front of a group of other vehicles stopped at a railroad crossing in the San Fernando Valley neighborhood of Sunland, Officer Mike Lopez said.

The driver, who was seen arguing with his girlfriend, parked the car on the tracks and jumped out, leaving her behind, Lopez said.

A northbound Metrolink train hit the rear of the car, hurling it into the man. The girlfriend was taken to the hospital, where she was in stable condition, Lopez said.

“She gets hit by a train and lives. He gets hit by his own car and he dies,” Lopez said.

jay: i dunno about this plan, b. people have been killing their spouses since the birth of time using only their bare hands and sometimes a small weapon. i don’t know why you had to go and make it so complicated — cars, trains, commuters. as an aside, the conversations at your funeral are probably going to be really awkward.

cates: is that what they call “carma”? i’m sorry. punch me.

jay: terrible, patrick. just awful. and i’ll be punching myself for missing that pun.

AP - KANSAS CITY, Mo. - A man fleeing security drowned early Saturday after he leaped over a railing into a moat surrounding a casino, authorities said.

Police said the man, identified as Anthony D. Swopes, 21, of Kansas City, fled while being questioned about his identification at the Isle of Capri casino. A check of the card revealed an outstanding bench warrant.

Authorities were called around 12:30 a.m., and firefighters recovered Swopes about 45 minutes later. He was pronounced dead at a hospital.

It was the second death of its kind at the casino in recent years. In July 2005, police said, a woman apparently jumped into the Isle of Capri moat and later died.

Moats are common fixtures at Missouri casinos. Casino gambling in the state initially was restricted to floating riverboats, but the state’s constitution was amended to allow riverboat casinos to float within manmade moats.

jay: you know what, anthony d. swoopes? way to stick it to the man. there’s no way they’re getting you to appear before a judge on some bullshit charge, is there? right on.

SAN DIEGO, (AP) — An ice-cream store owner was found dead inside a freezer, authorities said.

Henry Rabinowitz, 60, was the owner of the Gelato Vero Caffe, a popular Italian ice cream shop that he opened in 1984.

Son Aaron Rabinowitz said after he and his father drove to the cafe together Thursday morning, his father walked to the freezer, located half a block from the cafe.

After about half an hour, the younger Rabinowitz went to the freezer and found his father dead on the freezer floor.

The freezer’s emergency door release was working.

Foul play was not suspected.

jay: a nice italian boy named rabinowitz is found dead in a gelato store freezer and no one suspects foul play? you know what, associated press? jay suspects foul play.

AP — ANTA ANA, Calif. — Staffing was so inadequate at a California senior center that a rat crawled into an Alzheimer’s patient’s mouth and died there before staff noticed, a lawsuit claims.

The lawsuit, filed Thursday on behalf of 90-year-old Sigmund Bock, alleges that administrators at the Paragon Gardens Assisted Living and Memory Care Community in Mission Viejo overbooked their facility to receive corporate bonuses, but cut back on staff to increase profits.

“The facility so literally ignored the needs of their residents … as to allow vermin in the form of a rat to become lodged in the mouth of Sigmund Bock and die therein,” the lawsuit alleges.

jay: o!m!g! what a disaster. this story made my jaw drop open but then i quickly closed it because, you know, rats. i’m only half kidding.

dan: dear god. see, this is exactly why i’m going to have my jaw wired shut when i go into assisted living.

A police officer investigates the scene of a accident where a Muni bus killed a pedestrian Tuesday morning on Leavenworth Street at Ellis Street. Chronicle photo by Kurt Rogers

jay: i am going to that special place in hell reserved for overstaters of the obvious but this one is just too good to pass up… This Bus Stops For Cheese! ONLY!

A woman peers between the gates to the ocean-front home of the late Anna Nicole Smith in Nassau, Bahamas, February 24, 2007. (Hans Deryk/Reuters)

jay: why does this picture strike me as exactly right? is it the weight? is it the tacky? or is it that our generation finally got our elvis? something about a heavy-set woman in front of a rusted gate reminds me of a low-rent graceland.

A first-class passenger on a flight from Delhi to London awoke find the corpse of a woman who had died in the economy cabin being placed in a seat next to him, British Airways said Monday.

The economy section of the flight was full, and the cabin crew needed to move the woman and her grieving family out of that compartment to give them some privacy, the airline said.

The first-class passenger, Paul Trinder, told the Sunday Times newspaper that he was sleeping during a February flight from India and woke up when the crew placed the dead woman in an empty seat near him.

“I didn’t have a clue what was going on. The stewards just plonked the body down without saying a thing. I remember looking at this frail, sparrow-like woman and thinking she was very ill,” the newspaper quoted Trinder as saying. “When I asked what was going on, I was shocked to hear she was dead.”

British Airways said in a statement that about 10 passengers die each year in flight and that while each situation is dealt with on an individual basis, safety is paramount.

jay: uh, sux. also, 10(!) passengers die each year in flight. that’s kind of nuts. though i guess expected. peanut allergies and all.

dan: do you think they let him have the leftover dessert from her meal?

jay: hoping that would placate him? yes. totally.